Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
