dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
