wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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