Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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