So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
