I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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