On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
