The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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