I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
