wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
