your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
