the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
