I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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