do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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