Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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