how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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