the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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