I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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