let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize