I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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