just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
