You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
