the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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