I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
