Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

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(810): View more from Michigan

i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

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(859): View more from Kentucky

#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home

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(618): View more from Illinois

I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.

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(310): View more from California

hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?

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