Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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