i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
