I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
