i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
