how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am midnight drunk by noon
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
