whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
