Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
