Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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