Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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