I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize