Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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