I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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