just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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