I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's great music for shaving your balls
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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