Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
