HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
