it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
