my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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