I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize