Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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