I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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