how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
