feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
