It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
