are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
