I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize