I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
