im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize