so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
