I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
