my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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