am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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