Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
