I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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