Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need moral support for this bender
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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