don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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