you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
