I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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