and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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