I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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