I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
