I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
